Nellie Said:

grade this for me/help with correction?

We Answered:

In paragraph two, you say, ".....accomplish the grades I know I am able to get." Change that to "....the grades I am capable of."
Overall, it sounds ok. Not great. It sounds a little repetitive. You make it very clear that you want to do your best in school no matter what. But that's about all I got out of it.
I'd rap it up with something about how I think this program will help me in the future with going to college and getting a job, instead of that last paragraph about your drive and values.

Bob Said:

Please look at my Stanford Supplement Essay--The prompt is to describe an intellectual experience (epiphany)?

We Answered:

Honestly - there is A LOT going on in what's really a pretty short essay. I think you're trying to do too much. You move from a classroom, then suddenly you're in Africa, then you're talking to Frank about... I don't even know what. Then suddenly you've learned an important lesson. I guess I don't get the connection between the classroom and Tanzania. I know the connection is knowledge and sharing, but I don't think that's enough or maybe clear enough.

I've gone back and read it a few times now, and the more I read it the more I understand it. The problem, though, is that Stanford will only read it once, and they will read it quickly. When I read it quickly the first time I didn't get it.

Maybe slow it down a bit. Add a paragraph? Add more transitions? Clarify some things? Take some stuff out? I think the point you're trying to make is good, and you're writing is pretty good... it's... I don't know... things like Frank standing up to ask his question. Why wouldn't he just ask it sitting down? Why can't he just ask period, without saying he stood up to do it? Too many unnecessary little details I think make it harder to understand the point.

OK I think you get what I'm saying. I hope it helps and good luck to you.

Sally Said:

Is this a good personal Statement?

We Answered:

I would agree with Chad. This is not a personal statement. It is more like a confessional. I'm going to be blunt, so don't take offense.

First, you want a personal statement to sell the best qualities of you. What you don't want is for the college to think they are possibly accepting a ticking time-bomb into their sanctuary of stellar students. Therefore, brevity in the worst of your qualities is a must. You dwell on the negatives of your past waaaay too much. By the end of it, I was thinking, damn this dude could be unstable.

Second, and along the same vein, do not focus your negativity on educational institutions. You said it felt like no one wanted you to succeed. Even if, and that's a big even, the people didn't want you to succeed, you cannot state this because you are bad mouthing one of their own. So, that college will say, "Gee, if he's bad-mouthing them, what happens if things go south while she's here?"

Third, and to elaborate on a point I made in the first part, talk about negatives briefly. They are there to showcase your triumph over adversity. Instead of you not wanting to do work, focus on the struggle in your family, maybe even briefly (this is key), and descretely tell them about it. Make them feel bad for you a little, then make them have a warm fuzzy when they hear about how you gave it your best and won!!

If this all sounds cheesy, it should. These statements are being putting in the right kind of fluff so that people connect with you. I did not connect with you as an educator because you told me we are against you. I don't want to hear that.

Finally, show proof how you have triumphed over adversity, or how it relates to you as a person...like it says. Your organization of this thing should be as follows: Intro what you will talk about in your essay. Aknowledge the problem they are throwing at you. Flesh out this problem with some specifics....then answer the question with specific proof about how this made you who you are. "I'm making an effort to succeed..." Ok, how are making that effort? Give me example of when you've made efforts recently. "I can put my other abilities..." what are they? You never mentioned it, so bring it up? If you're going to mention something you have to prove it. That's why it is an essay. Essay has its root meaning from the French 'essayer' which means to try. That's what you're doing, trying to convey your personality across a medium (in this case, a written medium).

Rewrite it for sure...and good luck. Sorry if you feel hurt, but you shouldn't. Without failing, we can never be creative. Just ask any person you know who you feel has succeeded in life. Much luck to you.

Helen Said:

Do you think that Atlanta Public Schools' internal investigation into CRCT cheating can be trusted?

We Answered:

No internal investigation can ever be trusted.

Dave Said:

essay help for university?

We Answered:

Very good essay. I just did a little editing. Good luck, and I'm glad you sought help!

It is said that the hardships a person incurs throughout life shapes the individual’s ability to see the world. Everyone has hardships in life that measure the mental toughness of the individual. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” This quote epitomizes to me the ability to combat the most challenging time in life without prejudice or discomfort, but with the will and desire to make it a positive experience.

The hardship that I suffered during my eight-grade year in middle school enriches and cultivates my existence to this day. Bullying and verbal and physical abuse contributing to the loss of friends and social life contributed to my clinical depression. It became a real struggle to get up in the morning knowing that my classmates would harass me for no good reason. I would concede to their harsh criticism, the words “you’re ugly, a geek and loser” were embedded in my mind every day and night. I would stay awake for hours, deep into the night, hoping that my clock would no longer turn to the next minute because it only meant it was a step closer to going back to school.

Academics, the thing I cherished the most in my life, seemed like minutia next to the fact that everyone around me saw me as a social pariah. It was as if my own predetermined social standing took over everything about me. All I cared about was to be liked by everyone. Going to extremes, I held my academics hostage for any opportunity to have friends. Giving up studying and effort for the chance to get along with everyone seemed to be the logical thing. When anyone I approached seemed to be uninterested in making conversation or made little of my attempts, I reached my breaking point.

Every time the school day was approaching I would resent getting back on the bus. Instead, I would sit in a corner and cry my eyes out with the sole satisfaction that I would no longer be miserable. (NOTE: WHY WOULD CRYING END YOUR MISERY? THIS IS UNCLEAR.) As the days passed and my own self-worth dwindled, I remember being extremely close to ending my life; in my eyes there was no longer a reason for me to be everyone else’s misfortune. Fortunately, my mother reached me just in time to save my life. She sought outside help and I received counseling for my depression.

Over time, with the help of my psychiatrist, I was able to vent some of the feelings that were hidden in chambers within myself. Due to my lack of school attendance I was scheduled to repeat the eighth grade, which devastated me. Someone in the community outreach program in our district helped me get enrolled in a high school with my proper grade level and other students for a fresh start. Thanks to a program in my school I graduated a year early and enrolled in my local community college.

During that time I was able to reach the pinnacle of academic success by graduating as the valedictorian of my high school and enrolling in my local community college during my senior year. Ever since I have devoted myself to the success of my education. I will always remember the severe pain during that time in my life. It gives me a true appreciation for the beauty of life that I will certainly bring with me to the University of Texas. My infectious personality and willingness to befriend everyone around me are valuable assets for promoting a diverse learning environment that translate into academic success. Overall, I have come to the realization that in life, one must be willing to accept one's own imperfections and find comfort in what he or she does best.