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First Grade Writing Prompts

Irma Said:

My first essay i ever wrote, im 16 please grade or critique?

We Answered:

don't take this personally but this essay is awful.
it makes no sense, you jump around way to much ... i can't even tell what you thesis is
and don't use a thesaurus ...when you use a word that you don't know you usually come across as stupid.
why are all your paragraphs like 2 sentences long? plus this essay is extremely short.

when you said "She ran that extra mile with aching marrow but she "never gave up""
who are you quoting there? that's not exactly something that you quote


i'd honestly give it a 1.5
it needs a ton of work

...and why have you never written an essay before? you're 16 ...isn't that at least a sophomore in high school? what did you do all freshman year? i think i wrote over 14 essays over the course of freshman year ( a mix of analytical and creative)

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