Antonio Said:

Honestly, Is this an okay story?

We Answered:

Ok, I loved the first paragraph. It was humorous, like you'd intended it to be. But the second paragraph was a bit of a "huh?" in some parts. The basic thing you were trying to say in the journal i could understand, but you have to fix a few things here and there that don't quite add up to it. But other than that, it was really well written. :)