Ruben Said:

Hows this for the opening of a book? (750 words approx)?

We Answered:

YOU WROTE:
Grosvenor Square. I used to come here when I was a kid. Used to watch the ol’ hangings takin’ place. I enjoyed it; not so much in me younger years but when I got to about sixteen it was something of a special treat to go and see the bastards hang. Justice ain’t it. An justice or not it looked kinda nice; with the gallows set out all nice in the middle of the grass and lots o’ room for a big crowd.

MY RESPONSE:
>>> If you're going to use ' in place of certain letters, you need to be consistent. Someone who speaks like "ol'" and "takin'" .... isn't going to say hangings. But hangin's

>>> "me younger years" is how Popeye talks. Don't overdo the twang. It instantly sounds comical and pulls the reader from the story.

>>> someone who speaks like this, isn't going to have complete sentences. find the rhythm of the speech and stick with it. don't keep veering from it and then going back to it, it's jarring and unrealistic.

REWRITTEN:
Grosvenor Square. Used to come here when I was a youn'un'. Watched lots of hangin's. I enjoyed it. It twas sumthin' special when I was sixteen to see the bastards hang. Didn't care nuthin' 'bout no justice. Ah hell. I thought it jes' looked kinda nice--the whole gettup, you know? The gallows set out in the middle of an open field. Like a sort of beacon. It seemed to call to people to gather 'round. Families got t'gether. Folks chin wagged before and after. Durin' the hangin's, 'course, it was so quiet, you could hear a mouse fart. People was sometimes cryin' or cheerin' depending on who was havin' the necktie party.
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Well, I ain’t sixteen anymore, oh no. I forget how old I am. ‘Aven’t had a birthday in what, twenny years? Like I said I forget, but for sake of argument les just say I’m thirty two. Anyway, here I am, thirty two years old, an I come back to old Grosvenor aven’ I; for old time’s sake.

>>> How can you forget your age then know you're 32?
>>>rewrite to make sense, and to keep the rhythm of the words, quit juming from good grammer to bad. and .... get to the point. this is too long.

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It’s exactly how it was when I was last ere. I ‘aven’t quite come into the square yet, but I can see it.

>>>make up your mind about dialect! now all of a sudden, you're Irish? you need to listen to dialect and know that not all accents are the same. An Irishman will drop the h, not someone from the south

______________________________________…
Big, cobbled street around it with a nice ol’ circle of grass and flowers, ‘cept the sections o’ flowers are all cut away so people can stand and watch the hangings, an all them big houses around the place what I could never hope to afford, but I done a bit o’ work in from time t’ time. The place even smells the same as it did – really distinct, like really bad eggs an’ its ‘cause of all the people there, and the rottin’ fruit they throw at the people getting dropped. I got someone once, right where it hurts just before they went; whatta send off eh? But there, right in the middle of it all is the gallows. The noose is swinging in the wind, almost like its waving, welcomin’ me home. I’m remembering me favourite ones from when I was a kid; like the time they ‘ad to put in a triple tree so they could ‘ang twenny four people in one go. I fink they were pickpockets or somethin’ like that. The middle one wriggled the most.

>>ugh. cobble stone streets? WHERE in the world are we??? In ol Ireland? Or the south? I have no idea! also...get to the point. check dialect.....

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>>> ok. so the main character is the guy getting hung....?? If that's right, then you have a lot of rewriting to do...

because suddenly, he's talking like an Englishmand and an Australian. "mate" and "bloke"

and because the entire thing....from the beginning to the end, it's a frustrating mess.


You have a great idea here....but you have to be clear about the who, what, why, where, when, how.....these must be weaved into the story to make sense to the reader, so that at the end, when they reach the twist, it's satisfying and a real surprise.

as is, I'm just frustrated to have had to slogged through so many words and a dialect that was all over the place, just to find out, oh the guy talking is the one getting hung....I think?? you're not even clear about that.


Clear it up, clean it up and you can have a good story.

Walter Said:

I'm writing a 4,000 word essay and I have used evidence from the minutes of a council meeting in 1834. Does?

We Answered:

http://www.worc.ac.uk/ils/documents/Citi…
page 10 (?)

Rene Said:

Minutes of a board meeting?

We Answered:

"Action" means that someone has to do something. Examples of actions might be that someone will research something, someone will create a presentation, someone will talk with a client, etc.

Each action needs to have a person's name associated with it. WHO is going to do the research? WHO is going to create the presentation? WHO is going to talk with the client?

The description then would be what is the sort of research that's going to be done, when it will be done by, who it will be submitted to, etc.

The idea of taking minutes is so that anyone at the meeting (or not at the meeting) can look back at your notes and remember who was there, what was discussed, and what people were going to do as a result.

Does that help? If columns don't work, take the minutes as you want and then when you are typing it up, put it into columns.

One column would be titled "Action", the next would be "Person responsible" and the third would be "Description." In each row, you would fill out the info for one item at a time.

You could try some of these... http://www.meetingsense.com/go/freemeeti… (I haven't used them personally) or type in "minutes template" in the Help of Microsoft Word and see what comes up.

Timothy Said:

Math help please can't figure this one out?

We Answered:

Don't post every question assigned in your homework please... honestly, just looking at all that makes me want to just close my browser.