Tamara Said:

Please help with my college essay (urgent)?

We Answered:

Hey, I loved your piece, especially the first paragraph! (just btw, i'm younger than you. just letting you know i'm not an english expert or anything lol)

Anyway, something I noticed:

In the second paragraph you said,
"But it was never something that I thought I could develop beyond a hobby. Though I suppose that notion changed when my sophomore art class visited a local art show."

I dunno if it's just me, but the word "though" in the second sentence doesn't seem needed. Maybe you could try re-wording it, like "That notion changed, I suppose, when my sophomore art class visited a local art show." or something.
Also, when you say "Though I suppose that notion changed when my sophomore art class visited a local art show," it kind of sounds like the sentence continues. It also kind of sounds like you mean you think that "the notion changed," not that you think that it happened when you visited the art show. That's kind of confusing, haha, sorry if that's hard to understand, or if that isn't actually what you meant.

I liked it a lot though! Maybe reading it out loud might help if something still doesn't sound right. Good luck and I hope I could help :)