Dustin Said:

Could someone help me write this letter?

We Answered:

can someone help me answer this one ?

Roy Said:

Read and comment my story.. i need a creative ending.. please?

We Answered:

First of all, very touching story, I love what you've done so far. Second of all, maybe something a little along the lines of this:

All of a sudden, she knew what to do, and she was so sure of it. She wrote carefully onto the piece of paper she had been holding, "I am now absolutely happy, I'm in a place where no one can hurt me, and the only thing I can fall on is a luxurious cloud."

Hayley turned the piece of paper back over and looked at the picture she had drawn. On it, was a picture of somebody truly happy, an angel resting on a soft cloud, her eyes shut. The angel's smooth hair was tied up in a bright red silk ribbon. The picture was of what Hayley wished she could have been. She picked up the bottle of sleeping pills, opened the lid, and took a deep breath...

Nobody but the angels could see her now, and was she ever a sight to see. With her pale, malnourished body, and her dirty hair splaying across her face, clutching in one hand the picture she had drawn and her red ribbon in the other. Her body was still and fragile, everything in the house was quiet. So quiet, you could have heard a pin drop. So there her body lay, on the cold, harsh, linoleum tiles that held many secrets. The bottle of had fallen from her hands, and rolled across the floor, spilling some of the pills out.

She became what she had drawn in her picture, she went to a better place that night. She became an angel, walking on streets of gold, where she could feel no more pain, no more sorrow. Her hair silky, drawn up in her favorite bow, in a glorious dress of pure satin.

^^That's my contribution. I love writing :)

Erica Said:

What do you think of my first chapter?

We Answered:

I like it so far, but it needs a little work.
Suggestions:
nitty gritty- at one point you cut the speaker off mid-sentence and then say that her father cut her off mid-sentence. Not necessary to say that. A lot of readers will find that insulting. Just have the broken line of dialogue and then the father speaking. The reader will get it.

Get more nitty gritty- Remember in a fantasy novel you are creating an alternate world. For instance Tolkien, will go on for pages about grass. I am not saying do this, what I am saying is, especially in the beginning with the Throne room, make the detail come alive. Does the room have Archways?Wall color? smell? Stain glass windows? if so, what are they depicting? and so on. I find that if you set a vision of this world early in the readers mind, the reader will get much more involved in the work. That way later on you can skip the small details of this world, letting the reader fill in the small parts on what they already know about the world. I mean imagine if Tolkien never described landscape or never talked about the different species, the reader would think that everybody was human. So remember to create the world.

Think of mixing it up-dialog wise I think it works, but I would like to see more colloquialisms. Maybe setting a tone of formal address to her father compared to how she speaks to her friend.

Also, this is just a small suggestion. I think the narration might work better from third person. Try it out and see if it works better or reads better to you.

All in all though I think it shows promise but think it could be improved. Remember these are just suggestions the only ones I am admit about are the first 2.

Alfredo Said:

is this letter to my exchange family okay?

We Answered:

looks great! if you haven't received anything from the family, maybe you can ask them a few questions. or if you've received a letter, maybe you can ask some questions about what they talked about in their letter. just so it's not all about you. but the letter looks great and really interesting!

i would suggest adding paragraphs to separate the letter a bit, but it's my only suggestion! have fun!

Cecil Said:

Do you like my creative piece of writing - any advice?

We Answered:

Very good! It told the story of that picture perfectly. Very nicely done and touching.

Marvin Said:

can someone critique my poetry please?

We Answered:

really like the second one. in fact i wish it carried on a bit more at the beginning. you know, all those imagery words. that's what makes the poem good. but i like the rest of it as well.

also, you could shorten the longer lines, just break them somewhere once or twice, maybe add a comma. keep writing without fear like that. i believe people understand better than we think they will.

Armando Said:

Does this sound like it could work?

We Answered:

.no