Tamara Said:

What accounting/business position suits these traits?

We Answered:

A technical consultant would be more better for you. Medical Coding Consultant is a great position and so is an Accounting Position that deals with converting GAAP to IFRS which will start happening in a few years.... An Accounting position as a consultant on Sarbanes Oxley Act is another avenue and so is Forensic Accounting and Certified Fraud Expert.

Wesley Said:

things people put on resumes?

We Answered:

very cute! i almost didnt get the first few...had to read over! love these list things!
thanks!

Janet Said:

can anyone grammar check this for me?

We Answered:

The following are merely suggestions. Keep it short; limit your business letter to three paragraphs. Your resume should give the details.

4 August 2009

Attention: Personnel/Human Resources
Marriott-Tulsa Southern hills
1902 East. 71st, Tulsa, OK 74136

To Whom It May Concern:

Please consider me for the Front Desk position offered at the Marriott Hotel of Tulsa Southern Hills. I Have learned of this opportunity from a fellow employee.

I have experience in managing multi-phone lines and computer proficiency in Word, Excel, and PowerPoint. I currently study business at Tulsa Community College where I have achieved a strong academic record. I pride myself in analytical, communicative, and problem-solving skills.

Enclosed is my resume for review. I am enthusiastic about the position and look forward to meeting with you at your convenience. You may contact me at [phone number] or at my personal e-mail address [e-mail address]. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Brandie Campbell
1904 East 73rd St.
Tulsa, OK 74136
[phone number again]

Kenneth Said:

can anyone grammar check this for me, i put to whom it may concern because there was no address listed.?

We Answered:

To whom it may concern (do some research and address it to a person or “Sir or Madame),

I would like to be considered for the administrative assistant position offered at your company. I learned of this opportunity through your ad on craigslist (“Craig’s List”).

My high level of concentration and excellent leadership and business skills has helped me achieve a strong academic record at Tulsa Community College which reflects my diligence and commitment to success. Rigorous liberal arts courses in a concentration in business have provided me with a first rate writing ability as well as a sharp, analytical and problem-solving when it comes to managing a business on my own, while still attending to customers which I got the opportunity to do at my previous job. There I was able to utilize my customer’s service skills and business related duties. (Irrelevant, this should be evident through the writing herein, a brief list of courses and a GPA, and work experiences listed on a resume)

In addition I have had an administrative position previously when I contributed to multi-phone lines, attention to detail, and computer proficiency in Word, Excel, and PowerPoint. (This should be a primary selling point)

Through challenging leadership positions (what positions?), I have developed a strong sense of responsibility, effective interpersonal skills and the ability to contribute to teamwork, even in high pressure environments (only relevant if you can provide specific examples of these qualities). With my background in liberal arts, business, and leadership, I am confident that I can make a profound contribution to your company.

Enclosed is my Resume for your review. I am enthusiastic about the position and look forward to meeting with whomever it may concern. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Brandie Campbell

Melinda Said:

Tips to improve my writing style?

We Answered:

Nitpicking, mostly:


Judging from his massive girth, he must have weighed at least thrice that of a normal man. But these were the men that Dryn dealt with, men that needed things accomplished and couldn’t do it themselves. In a way, they were a noble group. Yet it seemed more oft than not their deeds were immoral. But money couldn’t be turned away.

--Flow. The use of "thrice" makes it sound slightly elevated, which makes for hard reading and even harder writing. If you're subconsciously writing in elevated or archaic language, your mind's natural flow will be off, and your writing might sound choppy or dense. Either write in your own voice, or pay very close attention to the flow of things. Also, keep an eye on the sentence structure. Judging from his massive girth, But, In a way, Yet, But. Vary the sentence structures more; throw some shorter sentences in so that it all flows better.

“A bullet and five vents, “ responded Rahzki, yet this time his words seemed to have come from more than one location at once. They flooded into the old sop’s ears, and from his expression Rahzki knew that he had won. It was getting easier. He leaned back and laughed lightly, his fingers running down his shoulder-length black hair. “Give your coin to Dryn. Five vents now, and the bullet later when the necklace is handed to you.”

--Order. First you told the reader what Rahzki said. The reader heard him say that. Then you told the reader HOW he said it. The reader had to go back and revise what he thought he knew about what Rahzki said. The information that the reader needs to hear Rahzki's words with the necessary intonation should be located either directly before or very shortly after the words themselves. In short, the reader should be guided through the text in a linear fashion. Think about what effect each clause has on the reader. The reader knows what you tell him, and nothing more. So pay attention to the order in which you present him with the information.

Dryn had a knack for making plans, even if they weren’t always the best ones.
Despite the reassurance in his words, he was nervous.

--"Show don't tell" is not always applicable, and it's overstated advice regardless. But it's best to pay it some mind in situations like these. The reader should figure out on his own that Dryn's plans suck sometimes. He should be able to figure out that Rahzki is nervous because of how he is acting or talking or sweating or shifting, not because of direct narration.



Overall, very good writing, especially for someone who hasn't been constantly honing their skills! The grammar and spelling were nearly impeccable, which was a relief to read.